Silence to Song
I just want to speak the name of Jesus
Over every heart and every mind
‘Cause I know there is peace within Your presence
I speak Jesus
We held her and sang these words, hoping and praying in our hearts the lyrics bearing the beautiful weight of His name would drip life into her soul. She writhed as we held her close. She tried to push us away but we remained near. Ray and I knew how to care for a child, we knew how to meet their needs and bandage skinned knees. We knew how to read stories and sing songs till little eyelids came to a close. We knew how to satisfy hungry bellies and snuggle close when the night was simply too dark for little hearts.
We knew how to care for a child…but this one…this one was broken and hurting in ways we never knew. We were not the ones who broke her, but we were the ones trying to hold her together now.
Food could not satisfy, though we gave her plenty.
Snuggles could not mend, though we tried.
Our words of life were heard, but always met with her silence.
Ellie was non-verbal when she came into our lives, and as we would learn later, a result of the severe trauma and abuse she had endured. She would make sounds, but her dark eyes are what told the story. How do you respond when those eyes are looking at you, hoping you will be able to find a bandaid big enough to cover the pain? How do you mend something you can’t even see and they can’t say? Our hands knew not what to do, so we sang…
I just want to speak the name of Jesus
Over Ellie’s heart and Ellie’s mind
‘Cause I know there is peace within Your presence
I speak Jesus
The name Jesus began to mend what had been torn.
The name of Jesus began to breath life where death lingered.
The name of Jesus began to shine light where darkness tried to remain.
It was the beautiful, beloved name of Jesus that broke the silence.
One night as we sang over her…Ellie said, “Jesus!”
In that moment, we felt darkness shutter as a little light began to glow.
As the weeks passed and we continued to sing and speak Jesus, Ellie would join in song. She couldn’t say any of the lyrics aside from the one that mattered and boy did that girl sing His name. Some nights she would simply throw her little head back and sing “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!” No longer writhing in our arms as we sang, the little light in her was beaming.
Was she completely healed? No, not completely. Was she beginning to heal? Yes, I believe so. And while she was not to remain in our home forever, I believe Jesus is healing her still.
In the book of John, chapter 9, we read of a man who was born blind. All of his life up until this point, he had spent on a mat, begging with no patterns to recognize, no faces to recall…only darkness. When Jesus’s disciples saw the man they asked Jesus whether the man was born blind because of his parents’ sin, Jesus responded, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3)
After this Jesus spits on the ground to make mud, places the mud on the man’s eyes and then sends the man to go wash his face in a pool of water. After the man washed, his eyes opened and were greeted by light.
Why had he been healed now? Why not as a small boy? We will never know the entirety but I believe Jesus looked at the blind man’s heart and he saw a soul ready to carry out the mission at hand.
He saw a soul ready to see.
Shortly after the blind man became the seeing man, he was questioned by the Pharisees for they doubted the miracle despite his honest account. When the man’s parents were asked they said:
“We know he is our son,” the parents answered, “and we know he was born blind. But how he can see now, or who opened his eyes, we don’t know. Ask him. He is of age; he will speak for himself.” His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who already had decided that anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue. That was why his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.” John 9:20-23
And then all eyes fell on the man who could now meet their gaze with his own…and then the heart that Jesus knew was ready, took courage as the man spoke…
“I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples too?”
Then they hurled insults at him and said, “You are this fellow’s disciple! We are disciples of Moses! We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don’t even know where he comes from.”
The man answered, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will. Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” John 9:27-33
Had he been healed as a boy, would such words have come when he became a man? Such courage, such sureness, such faith took time and the right moment. The man’s heart was ready in a way we won’t know for Jesus holds this measure. And with His gracious sight He looks at us and sees the pain we feel, He knows the ache we wish removed…and yet whether it remains or is removed, we must leave it in His pierced hands.
And so if you find yourself sitting on a mat…waiting for a miracle…feeling as if darkness is all you can see…it’s time to sing. It’s time to sing out the beloved name that heals in ways deeper than our flesh. If you don’t know how or what to sing, simply start by placing your name within the lines of the song just as we did for Ellie.
I just want to speak the name of Jesus
Over your heart and over your mind
‘Cause I know there is peace within His presence
I speak Jesus
Whether you are healed this side of Heaven or not, you will have wasted nothing…for you welcomed Jesus into the room, and your beloved Savior came...for you.
